I AM A WRITER

I am a writer. I am often misdiagnosed as a jack of all trades because I make a concerted effort to run away from the gift. It is a burdensome gift. Those who carry it know. Especially when I find myself in my current state where it is now what God has designated for me to use to earn my keep. I am not claiming to know the mind of God. I take all my cues from my current situation. I have wonderful skills however; I cannot seem to be able to buy a job, even if I had the means. It is as if God is saying very clearly; by gum, I have given you this talent and you will use it. This requires that I commit to and focus on a task at hand. These are not two of my favorite things.

I am a writer. Not to be confused with a novelist or poet. A writer is not bound by genre though there are those purists who feel that one must excel at some certain thing to call themselves that. I am a writer; a crafter of story. If that story takes a notion to render itself in iambic pentameter, or iconic prose or forthright essay, is never a foregone conclusion. It is the story that I live for. The literary sculpting if you will. A story is as much visual as it is literal. I see what I am saying. Laying word and phrase atop one another in ever escalating action. So that when I am done it is whatever it needs to be. It glows brightly or hotly. It is lustily wanton or monastically prosaic. It is whatever it needs to be in service of the story. I will tell the erotic story of coitus with equal joy as the religious epic with piety. It is whatever the story dictates.

Being a writer is a taxing task. There are some who have run far from the siren call of pen to paper or finger to key. Though we run, the lure of the pen is indeed mightier than the sword. The power of words cannot be discounted. God spoke and existence came into existence. Salome said bring me to and it was brung. Martin Luther decreed and it came to pass. The constitution is merely words but we fight and die to protect the sanctity of it. It is a living breathing instrument of history and jurisprudence but its most humble beginnings was as a thought that one man had and shared with other men who understood and enjoined him in the vision of a document that would guide men to make decisions with regard to life and living.
The bible, believed by many to be the God ordained, God breathed word of life is still at it core words written by a writer. In the beginning was the Word. Those of us who have been entrusted with words have a solemn duty perhaps even a moral imperative to use them.

Please don’t mistake me for a grammarian or a punctuation specialist. I am not. Again there are the purists who find fault with this supposition. I am not run amok across the page like the proverbial bull in the china shop. I appreciate technical ability but the lack of a participle dangling precariously or a blatant misuse of the present pluperfect does not cause me to lose sleep. Perhaps if I took a moment to consult with EB White or that Strunk fellow, I would find that there are participles dangling all over this page and many of my plu’s are less than perfect. As it stands, there are times when I get confused and think that being a writer means that I can write anything. It only means that I will write anything. I understand that this sounds flagrantly contradictory. It may be the height of contradictoriness.

If the writer is slave to anything, it is the muse. The muse demands our allegiance and interrupts us like an oversexed strumpet to get our attention. I believe this of writer’s block. Writer’s block is what happens when we try to contradict the muse. The muse may say write the name of the first boy you ever dated 37 times. The intellectual within us says that is not noteworthy but the muse has her reasons. What do those 37 times conjure up? Where does your go that your pen is sure to follow. The muse is very crafty. You may think you have nothing to say but the muse will lead you to the story. It may be a circuitous trip but always trust the muse.

Getting to Me

I was missing, couldn't tell you where to find me. I got lost behind the dissappointments and the expectations. Suffocated by worry about my flaws when it is the flaws that make me great. Running from the implications of all the things I didn't become. Because I thought it mattered. In the grand scheme of things when all that is left is dust, it will not matter what you thought of me. All that will matter is what I did for me to make it better for all of us. So much time wasted being who I thought I should be. So much time wasted, getting to me.

Retrospect: The Muse of Circumstance

Inspiration has struck. My muse is my circumstances. Life brings with it, reverses. During times like these we can let pride get the best of us. We keep our selves secret, owing in part to shame and in part to pride. Shame because allowing people in would, in turn, allow people to see how bad it has become. It would mean peeling away the façade and allowing people to see the mess life had become both figuratively and literally. Even at those times when we feel that we are truly putting ourselves out there we are still only showing people a portion of who we are and what we want them to see. The niggling thought always persists: If they really knew me, would they still like me. If they really knew the idiosyncrasies and secret thoughts that make me who I am, would they understand?

The loss of relationship whether it be a love relationship or a friendship smarts all the more at these times. Yet it seems that often the underpinnings of the tenuous bonds of temporary friendship come undone at times like this. The why of it an ever present reminder of the turn's life can take. Who was at fault? Who was right? Who was wrong? Time shows us what is truly important as all of the questions fade into obscurity and only memory remains. Our perception is our inalienable right. Relationships are transitory. Change is the inevitability of life. It is the uncontrollable control that drives us forward. Whether we accept it or not has little to do with its inexorable workings in our lives. Our fortunes, loves, looks and ideals change whether we ordain it or not.

A Change Will Do You Good

"A change will do you good; I think a change would do you good."

Thank you, Sheryl Crow. I like to think this type of change is the carefully planned change of one completely in control of one's destiny. When I find someone like that I will see how that works out. Most of the time change is thrust upon us by circumstances and we don't get to plan how we will deal with it because, well we're too busy dealing with it. Someone said life comes at you fast and this may be the truest statement I've experienced. Not only does life come at you fast but it comes at you early and often. Expecting the unexpected is fast becoming America's new pastime. That is not to say that the unexpected is always the unwanted or better yet the unneeded. Many times we need to be wrenched from our seat of complacency. Sometimes it's just life's way of telling us. Hey you're gonna be dead a lot longer than you're going to be alive so get everything you can out of the living years. Either way, the unexpected is coming. I'm a practitioner of the law of attraction which tells us that we can plan our lives. Humor me for a minute while I circle back to my topic. My first few statements may seem to fly in the face of this but I've found that the mysterious workings of fate all coincide to give us what we have prayed for. The problem with this is that the course is not always smooth and the packaging not always pretty.

Losing everything and returning to square one often seems like the cruelest of ironies but really sometimes you have to start over. Sometimes you have to pare down to the essentials. There is nothing like losing everything to make you aware of what you really can live without. The list of what we need to live has not changed in millennia. Food, clothing and shelter, that's it. Not pretty clothes, not gourmet food and not a mansion. If you have an understanding partner, the clothing may be optional, unless you work. Employers are not real big on nude asses. Don't misunderstand me. I'm down for whatever material trappings life sends my way, but now I know I can survive whether I have them or not.

Many times losing feels like winning and winning feels like losing. The only way you find out which is which is buckling in and riding the wave and seeing where the beast coughs you up. Sometimes you'll acknowledge your true path and other times you'll chart a new course. Time in the belly of the beast definitely gives one perspective.

Object Lesson: Killer Whales Kill

**Thanks to Linda Ann Nickerson's Meme Express for prompting this.**

Shocking

We're an interesting bunch and what I mean by we, are people. We operate from a position of sovereignty, obviously with the expectation that everything in the world will get in line with our wishes. I believe in the power of belief to redefine our circumstances, but many times we try to extend this power to animals and people with less than great results. We domesticate animals and manipulate people, but often seem shocked when they act outside of the ways we have prescribed. However, in a world where the obvious ridiculousness of this stance often goes unnoticed, nature will rear it's head to represent. In just such a representation, an Orca at Sea World killed it's trainer while the audience looked on. The audience is just extraneous information, put there to amp up the shock value. I'm sure there are lengthy diatribes being written on both sides of this incident. Pro-animal rights folks and Anti-animal rights people see their chance to take a stand. However, that's not where I'm coming from.


Sure of our power

We are often so enamored by our own power that it never occurs to us, that the thing we have brought under our submission will become self aware. Now in the case of the Orca, he'd killed before which makes this all the more topical. Let this be a lesson. It's a lot harder to take the wildness out of something than you think. Whether, it's a lion, a tiger, a bear or that chick or dude you met at the Piggly Wiggly. Many times we can so domesticate something that it no longer recognizes it's own power. However,all someone or something needs is realize and acknowledge their own power and the game changes.

Respect

This life lesson isn't about fear but more about respect. Having a healthy respect for the innate power of people and things is a good idea. Because as much control as we think we have, that's as much control as we can lose when things go wrong and the consequences can be deadly. We love the people and animals in our lives but must understand that we never have full control of anyone but ourselves. Respect that.

It's over

It's over. Two words. Technically a contraction of three words. Yet when you hear them they hit you like a ton of bricks. Even in those instances when it should be over; should probably have never started, it still smarts. It's like driving aimlessly. You aren't going anywhere but it's better than going home to an empty bed in an empty house.

It's over. Those words taste like failure. Just hearing them makes me want to take back all the things I said even if I meant them and they needed to be said. Perhaps it's my dysfunction rearing its head. The appeal of staying in something with no real benefit just to assure your self you're worthy. The truth is, no person defines our worthiness. However, that knowledge is cold comfort when you turn over and there's just the cool side of the mattress.

Maybe as enlightened as my outer adult is, my inner child is equally steadfast in maintaining the status quo. You'd think letting go would be easier when you didn't really have all that much to hold on to, in the first place. It's not. It's sadder even because I feel like I never got to prove myself. I never got the chance to show you how wonderful I am. Truth is it wouldn't have mattered but it would have been nice to trot it out and run it around the yard a couple of times. Rejection's a bitter curative but like castor oil it all works out in the end.

Fu Manchu and Middle Age

I'm getting ready to go out the other evening and I notice a hair on my chin. This is not uncommon for a woman of a certain age. I know that I am a certain age as I have crested the hill of 40 and am barreling down the other side. However with my age has come a degree of wisdom and comfort with myself. I understand more about my body. I'm secure in my sexuality and sensuality. I understand that there is more than enough of everything I'll need. So, like I said, I notice this hair. Now this isn't a soft downy hair but more of a Fu Manchu style whisker. So I'm thinking to myself. How do I not notice this? I look at myself everyday and I can't have become so complacent about my visage that I don't notice this. So I decide there's nothing to be done but pluck it out. Tweezers and alcohol and I'm good to go, you'd think. While the hair follicles on my head might be more forthcoming with the hairs than in my youth, my facial hair follicles have employed a new found strength, I wasn't aware of. I mean, I've been tweezing my eyebrows for a while so I have mastered the complexity of the tweezer, lest you think it was operator error. I rub the offending hair with alcohol to avoid infection and then grasp the firmly between the tweezer end and pull and out it will come. That is generally how this works. It's a thankless task. But no!!! Not only doesn't it plop out but the end of the hair breaks off so now I've got a stubborn short hair to try and pluck out. I won't bore you with the gory details, but suffice it to say it was a fight to the bitter end. Though, I prevailed. I got to thinking. This calls into question my initial take on a number of things. Namely the lovely gentleman who was talking to me and looking deeply into my eyes. Could it be he was looking intently at the hair instead? Now had it been placed circumspectly under my chin as most hairs are I would not have been so disheartened, but much like the wicked witch of the west, it flew freely and boldly on the chin. As with so many things, I have decided to take a philosophical approach to what may be an impending beard. I am not okay with the hair but resigned to the fact that while age brings with it wisdom, body acceptance and a new found appreciation of oneself, it also brings some other not so appealing things. I won't go into them, because the women who are dealing with them, already know what they are. A lot of you reading this may think I should not share this type of information with men. Whyever not? Though they may not share. they too have some stuff going on that they'd rather not think about. My thinking is this is the package that God has given me. It is fearfully and wonderfully made and I am thankful for it, Fu Manchu whisker and all.

Surviving Life's Transitional Moments
Job losses, layoffs, deaths, the end of relationships are all times of profound transition in our lives. How do we get past the changes and move forward in our lives.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1702395/surviving_lifes_transitional_moments.html

National Poetry Month: You - Free Verse
It's the last day of National Poetry Month. We have been charged with the task of writing free verse. My chosen mode of writing. Hope you enjoy
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1700793/national_poetry_month_you_free_verse.html

Perseverence

To keep going day after day in the face of what seem to be insurmountable odds is to persevere. Despite the best efforts of circumstances we keep going moving forward, ever mindful that despite what we face today, tomorrow's another day. The bible tells us that joy comes in the morning. One cannot continue to experience the dark night of the soul and greet the morning's joy. To co-opt a very popular ad campaign, life comes at you fast and so it behooves us to be vigilant. As you open your eyes and survey the world and realize that it wasn't a dream, know this, you will persevere. Despite the losses and the anguish you will survive and you will thrive. Be of good courage and take heart, you are not alone. There is someone somewhere who knows how you feel and they have overcome. Take heart that someone, somewhere has walked in your shoes. Be victorious and persevere.

Persistence

Persistence is the act of persisting. Persist is another way of saying don't give up. A friend sent me an inspirational story. Rather than try to remember it, I will simply reprint it here.

Giving Up Too Soon(Author Unknown)
A man meets a guru in the road. The
man asks the guru, "which way is success?"
The berobed, bearded sage speaks
not but points to a place off in the distance.
The man, thrilled by the
prospect of quick and easy success, rushes off in the appropriate direction.
Suddenly, there comes a loud "SPLAT."
Eventually, the man limps back,
tattered and stunned, assuming he must have misinterpreted the message. He
repeats his question to the guru, who again points silently in the same
direction.
The man obediently walks off once more. This time the splat is
deafening, and when the man crawls back, he is bloody, broken, tattered, and
irate.
"I asked you which way is success," he screams at the guru. "I
followed the direction you indicated, and all I got was splatted! No more of
this pointing! Talk!"
Only then does the guru speak, and what he says is
this: "Success IS that way. Just a little PAST splat.

It is tempting to just give up when the knocks get to be too much. However, Usually the blessing is just beyond the pain.

Believe in the Other Side

I recently wrote an article about a situation I went through and some people remarked on it. It got me thinking about trials and tribulations. Even to the most positive among us, things happen. The difference is how we get through it. Perseverence and perspective are two things that will serve you well no matter who you are. If you are dealing with something right now then you have no perspective. So let me encourage you. If you have stumbled on this page and trust me it's no accident if you have. Stop right where you are, whatever you're doing. If you're preparing to yell, curse, pop a cigarette in your mouth, take a sip of coffee or wine or even scotch, or maybe just bawl your eyes out. It could be a million other things. Whatever it is. Stop...... Take a long slow breath. Think about what's going on. Whatever it is. Perhaps the wolf or the barbarians are at the door. Maybe everyone is going to know. You will live through this. Let me repeat myself. You will live through this. You will be stronger and wiser and in time forgiven. Just hold on. I believe the fervent prayers of the righteous availeth much. Even if you aren't feeling particularly righteous, ask God to renew your mind. I mean ask him right now. Lord renew my mind. If you can't say anything but LOrd. Say it with your whole heart. If you aren't a particularly religious person and you're going through a lot of crap, perhaps now would be a good time to give the big man a chance. If you are not so inclined, then still believe help is nearby. You don't have to believe in him for him to believe in you. What ever the problem is, you will survive. You may be five or 95. If you're old enough to read this, you are going to be okay. Don't give up. Keep the faith and believe that you are coming out on the other side.

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Create Your Life

If money were no object, If fear were no object, what would your life look like? If you were the director of your movie and your budget was unlimited, who would star? Would you be an adventurer or a much sought after sleuth; a dynamic diva much admired throughout the world, a bestselling novelist sought after all around the world for your unique literary perspective, a performer selling out stadiums and hobnobbing with other stars, or a a bejeweled jetsetter rubbing shoulders with princes and kings. Would you be a philanthropist flush with enough cash, resources and willing workers to truly affect the world’s social ills?

Perhaps you prefer a simpler direction. A happy life, surrounded by people who care about your good above all things, a joyous marriage where you are very much in love with and attracted to one another, a deeper more profound spirituality, a successful business with positive cash flow and phenomenal profits or the ability to offer long term assistance to those hurting in your community or town.

Maybe you want to experience true wealth and prosperity in your mind, body and spirit. Many believe that being wealthy is about being rich, but if you are rich but spiritually or physically unwell then you are not truly wealthy because you are unable to live and experience your life fully. I'm sure you’ve heard the stories of people with all the money in the world who still commit suicide or turn to drugs because their minds are not at ease. They are casting about for true peace and prosperity, not just what money can buy.

Regardless to what your desires are, you can achieve them. The first step to doing anything is changing your mind. Creating a new mindset is key. The bible says to take every thought captive. That means to take control of your thoughts. When you take control of your thoughts your life will follow. Where you focus your energies that is what expands. Negative words, feelings and emotions beget negative circumstances. Positive words, feelings and desires beget positive outcomes. Have you ever met someone who is never happy, always had something bad to say about themselves or others or perhaps you are that person. You are never happy and you feel the world never goes right for you and sure as shootin’ it doesn’t go right. What we focus on persists. So the key is to change our focus, craft our thoughts, believe we deserve and are worthy of the good things that we desire and manifest them. Perhaps this sounds like some hocus-pocus but it is not. The bible says to call those things that are not as though they were and that if we believe faithfully the desires we pray for will be ours. Perhaps a note of caution. It’s been my experience that the things we desire should serve the highest good. That doesn’t mean that you can’t want cars or televisions or things like that but you must desire these things in a pure fashion, not to best someone else or to flaunt them. If you are in this type of mindset you are missing a crucial point. There is enough abundance for everyone, so for you to have does not mean that someone else will not have.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. To say this another way, faith is believing without seeing. Without seeing the how, the why, the when, we lock in on the belief in what we want to manifest. A tenant of faith is patience. This is the implementation of the Law of Attraction. In a nutshell, like attracts like.

So start to lock in those things you want to achieve. See your life as you would have it to be. Ask for those things you desire, believe that you deserve them, see them as already being yours and be grateful for the blessings you already have. Gratitude opens the door for more blessings.

Positive Thinking - A Primer

Therefore I say unto you, what things soever you desire when you pray, believe you receive them and you shall have them. Mark 11:24

Only Believe:

Two simple words, most times relegated to Peter Pan and his adventures. However, belief is the corner stone of positive thinking. We must first believe in the possibility of a thing and then the probability of a thing and finally the reality of a thing. Once we achieve this belief and hold it within our minds despite appearances or feelings then we can set about changing our circumstances. The bible verse above is about faith, but what is positive thinking but the implementation of faith. For many people the words positive thinking and affirmations conjure up visions of new age practitioners and crystal packing Wicca’s. But faith by any other name is still faith.

Internal Dialogue:

We don’t arrive at the places in our lives and with mindsets that we have by accident. The things that we internalize create the personalities that we have. Our lives are akin to a harvest. The seeds of doubt, uncertainty and inability that may have been implanted in our minds as we developed grow into weeds that choke off our happiness. To begin root out all the doubts and misgivings we harbor about ourselves, the first thing that has to change is our minds. We hold truths about our selves to be self evident based on years of internalization. But as it turns out many of the seeds that have grown into the weeds that are choking off our lives were planted by errant words or misguided individuals. When someone makes us feel dumb or inadequate or incompetent at our most vulnerable then we begin to internalize those ideas about ourselves and before long we are living our lives as if those labels fit us. Many of us grow into adult hood with those labels or feelings lurking just below the surface. No matter how much or how little outward success we achieve we are never quite living the lives that we could because our psyches have been branded. Have you ever wondered why some people with seemingly perfect lives aren’t happy? Perhaps the reason is because their inner sanctum is in turmoil. Who they believe they are bears little resemblance to what people see. The beginning to achieving internal balance is to modify our internal dialogue. Many times we condemn ourselves based on nothing more than the words of others. We don’t test the efficacy of their statements. We simply buy into them and live accordingly. So how do we break down years of faulty programming? Well I’m glad you asked. This is where affirmations come in. An affirmation is a positive key that you use to unlock the potential that lives within you.

Repetition:

For along time I knew about affirmations but I didn’t really understand how to make them benefit me. I would say them for a while but without true conviction or belief. My mindset was so ingrained that whenever I spoke something positive to myself my inner being would deny it. For instance, if I said to myself “I am a winner” and what would come back to me “no you are not”. I learned that in order for affirmations to be successful that I had to say them until I believed them. Chipping away at years of faulty programming was and is no easy task. Everything within us wants to remain at the status quo. Any upheaval to the current program is dispatched with haste. This is why perseverance and repetition is so important. For many of us we didn’t get to be the people we are overnight and we aren’t going to abracadabra and change ourselves. However, as time goes on we become more open to positive self talk. There begins the road to truly being able to embrace a life of positivity and abundance and more importantly being able to truly enjoy it.

Things You Should Know

1. You have value

2. You are strong

3. You are smart

4. You are blessed

5. You opinions are valid

6. No one defines your success but you

7. Your voice should be heard

Believe in you

Love you

Accept you

My Mom

mymama,
originally uploaded by demetria2.

This is a picture of my mom when she was about 23 years old. I think she may have been pregnant with me. She died five, almost six years ago now. I miss her tremendously. Time heals everything but just when you think you've got it licked something will happen and a mother's voice is what you need. Making a move to pick up the phone or to send an email only to realize that she's not there. Our relationship was fraught with drama but there was nobody on this earth that I loved more. I know not every parental relationship is great but really make an effort to appreciate what you have because all too quickly it's gone.

Me

Cloned Meat, Not So Fast

Why, have farmers stopped growing good old regular cows? Do I really want to eat animals that the FDA only undertook a cursory study to determine he efficacy of eating? No. A recent study. If they said. We have spent twenty years serving cloned meat to our children and on our dinner tables and none of our offspring have been born with four eyes or hooves or anything that may be construed as unseemly, I'd find that acceptable. What kind of recent study? The long term effects of eating cloned meat cannot possibly be available since the process is not old enough to be mainstream.